In choosing civility, people find their best self, and in doing so, they experience the grace, courage, generosity, humanity, and humility that civility engenders.
Focusing on social intelligence and culturally-competent communication, writer and speaker Dr. Lew Bayer wrote twenty books, including 2-time, international bestseller, The 30% Solution, in which she shares practical suggestions for building a better workplace. In Manufacturing Civility, her strategies shift workplace culture away from toxicity towards healthier, more positive workplaces.
Lyndi: What inspired you to write non-fiction books about civility?
Lew: As a facilitator and thought leader, also small business owner, I initially started writing books because I needed classroom supports- workbooks, tip sheets etc., and it made sense to put all in a book. So it was out of necessity really, I never planned to write one book never mind 20.
Lyndi: How do you define civility and how is it related to justice?
Lew: Civility is a values proposition- it’s who you are, not just what you do. For civility at work, we define civility as:
A conscious awareness of the impact of one’s thoughts, actions, words and intentions on others; combined with,
A continuous acknowledgement of one’s responsibility to ease the experience of others (e.g., through restraint, kindness, non-judgment, respect, and courtesy); and,
A consistent effort to adopt and exhibit civil behaviour as a non-negotiable point of one’s character.
When you adopt this definition, you necessarily recognize that civility incorporates equality and equity and is tied to values, character, social balance, and justice. The key aspect that connects civility to all of this is the understanding that “RESPECT” – and whatever it looks like in practice, is something we are all deserving of just because we are human and on the planet. A person should never have to earn respect. BUT, trust is different, and we earn trust through civil action.
Lyndi: In The Power of One, you share how “each of us has the power through our words, actions and thoughts to change the world for the better.” What is one way writers can change their lives and the lives of others?”
Lew: I would say that writers can impact by acknowledging what a gift it is that people actually want to read what you write. When I remind myself that it is a privilege that people care about my ideas or viewpoint or suggested solutions, I am conscious of my responsibility to give something of value. I want to show my gratitude and humility by being honest and doing actual research and being generous in sharing myself and my knowledge.
Lyndi: What have you written that surprises people?
Lew: I think people were surprised that I coauthored 3 books tied to manufacturing … most people don’t associate “the etiquette lady” as venturing into what is perceived as a rough and tough, no etiquette here, kind of environment.
Lyndi: What brought you to a place where you see writing as sharing?
Lew: I think it’s tied to my love of books generally, and my experience with books growing up. We weren’t allowed TV and so books (and board games and lots and lots of chores) were how we kept busy. We were often given books as gifts, my parents often read to us from their books, and the whole family shared what we read, our thoughts etc. It takes time and attention to read books, and I love the energy of a library or collection of books. Knowing someone poured him/herself onto the pages inspires me.
Lyndi: How important is a platform for non-fiction writers and how does one go about establishing one?
Lew: I am pretty focused on my niche area so I can say that establishing a platform for civility as “non-fiction” that is a meaty, research based, measurable competency versus a fluffy, overtly feminine, manners thing, was critical to our success.
I think you just have to be consistent. I am constantly researching and reading so there is always something new to discuss, I think consistency is key and I was told to pick one avenue and focus on it. Then after 6 months add another and multipurpose content. So I am currently building my brand and hopefully influence via YouTube and LinkedIn- TikTok is next.
Lyndi: Beyond speaking engagements, what are a couple of ways you have found effective for marketing your books?
Lew: We do sell a lot from the stage and we include books as supports for our classroom training. We have also done some partnering e.g., align or bundle our civility book with someone teaching a related topic, so we benefit from their sales and they benefit from ours. And, we currently work with amazing group called Praxie who take key topics or takeaways from the book and make an App with it- this has been incredibly useful for marketing.
Dr. Lew Bayer believes that “Civility is its own reward”. She suggests that “In choosing civility, people find their best self, and in doing so, they experience the grace, courage, generosity, humanity, and humility that civility engenders.”
In addition to regularly consulting on corporate civility, social impact and impression management, building relationships with media and creating civil communication, Lew was a national columnist for over 10 years, and is a sought-after expert who frequently writes, interviews and speaks with media all around the world. civilityexperts.com/media/
